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Join the debate – Should kids be invited?

By admin on June 21st, 2006 9 comments

ChildrenWe thought it was about time that we got some debates going on Bridalwave – things that have been bothering you and a bazillion other couples and we’d love to know your thoughts. We all know that you can’t please everyone you invite to your wedding and goodness knows someone will find cause to moan about something. But what about the people you don’t invite? The little people?

One of our readers asked what she should do about kids at her wedding, or more specifically, how does she go about not having them there? She already has a couple of littlies in her bridal party but wants to keep the affair upscale rather than having over a dozen tots screaming and running around pelting each other with cake. Tentatively mentioning this to guests with kids she got a fairly frosty reception…

Some apparently would not come if the children weren’t invited. Some guests were more than relieved to have an excuse for a day off from the offspring and were happy with the arrangement.

I have a friend who flew to the USA (from the UK) for a friends wedding with her little boy only to be told an hour before the wedding that the little boy wouldn’t be welcome thus meaning she had flown over, at great expense, for nothing. (And, by the way, could they use her rental car to ferry their guests seeing as she wasn’t using it?) I’m sure not many brides are that rude!

So, here’s our debate – Should a couple be forced to have other people’s kids at their wedding even if they don’t want them just to keep the peace OR should the couple do as they please, as it is their day, and the guests stop being what could be perceived as selfish?

Let us know what you think and if you have a topic for debate, email me!

  • Alice

    I think the couple should be able to do whatever they like – if they don’t want kids there that is up to them.

  • Melissa

    It’s sooooo up to the couple. I’m getting hitched in a year and nobody is telling me who i have to have at my wedding. Truth is that it has to be laid out WELL ahead of time if the children aren’t invited. If the adults dont want to come because of it- then that’s 2 less people to feed. I know on my invites, it will include the child’s name or not. No name, no invite!

  • The Dane

    No kids at our wedding except for the flower girls and the ring bearer (all of whom are related to me). We put a note on our wedding web page regarding kids and we informed folks that kids are not invited to the ceremony or reception, but that if they wanted to or had to bring their children with them (destination wedding in Fla.) to let us know (fill out our wedding web page e-form) and we’d work with them to coordinate child care. We want everyone we invited to come and we understand that not all can leave their little ones behind, but we set our rules and communicated them clearly and offered a solution.

  • Lauren

    It is slightly understandable that people get miffed when they think they are gonna get a “free” meal with their kids, and then have to go and pay a babysitter. But,it is your wedding, and if it is that offensive to them, tell them they are welcome to send their regrets. I understand, especially when your family members wanna bring their rugrats and think they are allowed to since they are related. My best advice is on the invitation print “adult reception” meaning pack the little ones in for the ceremony but not at the party.

  • My sister banned kids from her wedding, but I went to a large Indian wedding recently and there were loads of kids running round and doing bhangra dancing. It actually made the wedding. It was so great having all these lovely kids running about, entertaining everyone, dancing on the stage. They were utterly charming and everyone was really tolerant of them, helping out and playing with them. It made it feel like a proper celebration.

  • I’m not quite sure where I stand on this one to be honest. The distinction of what constitutes a kid is interesting though when my cousin got married none of us ‘kids’ were allowed – I was the oldest ‘kid’ at 19 and my brother the youngest at ’17’.

  • alexx

    It’s tricky…I was all for having children, but having found out that most venues insist on counting them in the food headcount (despite the fact teeny ones often get too excited to eat much!) and/or you providing childcare facilities the cost is a worry. It’s lovely having children running around the reception too but I worry some of my guests may not act in a hugely child friendly way after a few drinks! I think whatever the arrangement you should make it clear to people in the wedding info you send with your info – that way no unpleasant surprises, you can’t expect people to ask the question.

  • Caroline

    Arghhhh having this nightmare contemplation at the mo. Many of my friends have banned kids from the wedding on their invites, but one couple did have a couple of babes in arms there so had obviously been relatively flexible. I think it is a really hard one, I wanted to have a page boy, (my boyfriends god son and his cousin’s child) I would then have had to also have his brother (no problem with that) but also the other cousin’s kids. So just thought it would be easier to have none. I would love the little ones there though. It’s another cost though innit!

  • Well being as I already have two children and have not yet married, I’m really hoping that there will be some at my wedding. Most of our friends have kids and I really hope when I do get married (well we’ve got round to the engagement ring so far) that it will be a great day for all. I’m not a big fan of the ‘child free’ brigade. Not all children are nightmares, you know. If I was invited to a wedding and it said ‘no children’ then that would be fine and understandable is that’s what they want, each to their own. So long as they don’t tell me it’s because they don’t tell me they don’t want my daughters to somehow spoil their day! (They can leave that to the best man brawling with the matron of honour later) But I can’t stand intolerance in other areas of life – like shock horror, taking my children into a restaurant, to erm, eat.

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