Well, it’s T-six months to the big day and, predictably, the nightmares have started. In last night’s instalment, I woke up on the morning of the wedding and realised that, whoops! I’d forgotten to buy a wedding dress, hadn’t I? This has been a recurring theme for me, and the presence of my shiny new wedding dress, safely stowed at my parents’ house, has done nothing to stop it happening.
My parents, incidentally, haven’t escaped the nightmares either. No, my poor mum, currently employed as Keeper of The Dress, has been having regular dreams in which she decides to pop the dress in the washing machine on a quick spin cycle the day before the wedding, or takes it out of its dress bag to find that someone’s scribbled all over it with a marker pen. I’m having palpitations just thinking about it.
When I wake up, of course, these particular nightmares disappear, although only to be replaced by other, even more frightening thoughts. While the planning we’ve done so far means that I don’t have to worry about washing machines or missing dresses, what I’ve mostly been worrying about are the things I can’t control.
Death and serious illness aside, my current biggest nightmare is the cold, or worse, the flu. You see, when I get the cold I don’t just get a polite sniffle: oh no, I get the kind of totally debilitating flu bug that, should it arrive close to the wedding, will render me unable to do anything more than stagger slowly up the aisle with a nose like Rudolf’s, and then stagger back to bed. Needless to say, I’ll be stocking up on vitamin C and echinacea closer to the time, but what if it doesn’t work?
My other big fear is based purely on vanity. From time to time, you see, I become afflicted with the kind of spot my friends gleefully refer to as "Amber’s Second Head". This is a large lump that rises up in the middle of my forehead and remains there for well over a week. Because it’s the kind of spot – and sorry, but this is another one for the "too much information" files – that doesn’t have a head, and therefore can’t be squeezed, nothing will cover it. Nothing. It looks a little bit like someone shoved a ping-pong ball under my skin, and, call me stupid, but that’s so not the look I was going for on my wedding day.
So, there you have it: my biggest wedding day nightmares. What’s been keeping you awake at night?