On Saturday morning I woke up, all excited. "This time next week I’ll be getting married," I thought, jumping (well, OK, struggling) out of bed. I felt great – then I looked in the mirror. A red-eyed wreck of a woman stared back at me. No, I hadn’t been drinking the night before: either I had suddenly developed an allergy to my eye makeup (which is slightly strange given that it’s the same stuff I’ve been using for months) or I was having some kind of stress-related skin break out. And trust me – it did not look good.
OK. It still doesn’t look good, actually. There’s a large, angry looking flaky red patch above each of my eyes. The right eye is swollen (or it was yesterday, anyway: today the swelling has gone down, thank goodness). The skin underneath each eye closely resembles crepe paper. I have just five days to go until I walk down the aisle and I look like I’ve been punched in both eyes – so not the look I was planning.
Every bride likes to think that on her wedding day she will look her absolute best. I, it seems, will be looking my absolute worst (Well, there was that time with the poodle perm and the shell suit, but we don’t talk about that…). I have, of course, sprung into action. Today I made an emergency dash to the chemist, who sold me some special potions which they say will return my dragon-hyde eyes to normal. They claim. If it hasn’t made a difference by tomorrow? I think I’m going to go to see my doctor and throw myself upon her mercy. Well, desperate times.
In the meantime, if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in a darkened room with two tea bags over my eyes and a bottle of Scotch by my hand…