Keris Stainton‘s weekly column on married life…
When you meet your partner, they’re generally on their best behaviour, no? They try to hide all those little weird foibles and peculiarities. But when you’ve been married as long as I have, you find out about them. All about them.
David was once washing the dishes and I was alerted to him freaking out and shrieking like a girl. Turned out two forks were caught together, their tines entwined. It sent him demented. In fact, he freaks out just at the thought.
Shopping in Manchester’s Trafford Centre, we were in a store when the announcement came that it would be closing in 15 minutes. From David’s reaction, you would think they’d said “Customers will be disembowelled in 15 minutes.”
Honestly, he would have stomped on small children in his eagerness to get out. Turns out he has a phobia about being in a shop after it’s closed. He used to work in Morrisons and was once stuck in a lift with a giant jar of pickled onions (or something), but he claims it’s unrelated.
This phobia (just to be clear – he calls it a phobia, I say it’s an affectation to make him appear more interesting than he is) extends to restaurants. Tell him that you were in a restaurant while the staff were cleaning up or (Heaven forfend!) putting the chairs on the tables and he literally looks faint.
I know these little character, um, traits are what make us human and individual and I can’t claim that they impact on my life to any real degree (except when I’m desperately trying to buy something before a shop closes and David makes a run for it), I just wish I’d learned that my partner was a fork-fearing, shop-scared nelly before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.