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Smug Married: When Keris Met David

By admin on November 29th, 2007 1 comment

me.jpgKeris Stainton‘s weekly column on married life…

There’s a scene in my favourite film, When Harry Met Sally, in which Harry and Sally both phone their best friends, Marie and Jess, who are now a couple, to tell them that they (Harry and Sally – keep up) have slept together. After putting down the phones, Marie turns to Jess (who’s a man, by the way) and says, “Tell me I’ll never have to be out there again.” And Jess replies, “You’ll never have to be out there again.”

Last weekend I went on the hen night of one of my oldest friends and, before we went out, she said, “It’s such a relief that I don’t have to worry about pulling tonight. Because I’m getting married.”


Now I’m totally on board with both of these views. I don’t want to be out there. I like to go out to dance, have a drink, enjoy myself, without all the, “Is he looking at me? Why isn’t *he* looking at me?” farrago, but at the same time…

See I got married young. I was 23. David was my first boyfriend. I hardly ever went out on the pull before I met him and whenever I did I found it excruciating, but part of me does wish I’d sown some oats. Part of me misses that whole embarrassing, “Is he looking at me?” thing (even though, I know, deep down inside, that he wouldn’t be looking at me at all and the evening would no doubt end in humiliation and, most likely, tears).

But still… I miss the butterflies in the tummy. I miss the first kiss. I miss wondering when he’s going to call. I miss all the flirting and the excitement of dating. Dating!

Except in reality, I hated all that. The butterflies just made me want to throw up. The first kiss was generally a nose-bumping, smoky-breathed embarrassment-fest. I so don’t miss wondering *if* he’s going to call. What I miss is fictional. It’s film-love. And what I have, while not so exciting, is actually much, much better.

Even though David and I are very happy (despite the impression I probably give in these columns), I do regret marrying so young and only ever sowing the one oat.

But I’m still really glad I’ll never have to be out there again.

Keris edits Shiny Media’s fabulous women’s fiction blog, Trashionista and contributes to TV Scoop. She thinks oats are probably overrated.

  • Kat

    I started going out with my husband when I was 16, we dated for 5 years, we moved in together at 18 and got engaged on my 21st Birthday. I was nearly 22 when we got married and he is the only man I have ever dated. So I know exactly what you mean. He is older than me and had girlfriends before me, but I had no previous seed sowing experience either.

    Sometimes I think the whole dating thing looks like fun but when friends come crying to me about their boyfriends I’m always relieved I met the right guy first time. I think in the long term perhaps I missed out on an experience but I’m happier than most people my age who are playing the dating game and not always winning.




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