I’ve become fascinated by Marie Osmond after seeing her rather demented turn on Dancing With the Stars, so I had to check out the range of porcelain dolls she sells via QVC and there I found these bride and groom dolls. Now I got some fairly appalling wedding gifts (a picture frame with hedgehogs all around it springs to mind), but I think if anyone had given me these dolls … well you would have seen a Keris-shaped hole through the wall. I find porcelain dolls creepy at the best of times and these two … no. Just no.

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