When it comes to other people’s affairs, I’m quick to say that people ‘shouldn’t’ feel guilty when doing things their own way. But when I began planning my wedding, all my good advice went out of the window.
I thought it would stop after agreeing to a first dance because my future mother-in-law looked upset (thanks for the musical suggestions, by the way!) and the kosher food debate. However, every time that I think something might be a good idea, I end up hearing everyone else’s advice in my head and struggling to ignore it.
For example, Ash and I are planning something a bit daft with the table names. It’s a personal joke, and we know our closest friends are going to get it. I stupidly mentioned this to my mother, who just looked blank (even though she knows the joke). She means well, and has no intention of telling me not to do it, but somehow it just seems too silly to be fun now.
Then there’s the Controversy Over Fruit. Future m-i-l explained that at every wedding she’s been to, there’s been a fruit platter at the end. Not so at the one’s I’ve been to (including some Jew-dos) and as dinner is running quite late and since there’s dessert, petit fours and wedding cake I’m thinking fruit would be a waste of money and, even more alarmingly, food. I’ve explained this and she doesn’t seem upset, just reiterating that it’s what people ‘expect’. I’m sticking to my point of view but even though I think I’m right I’m still feeling guilty about it as I love her and don’t want to upset her.
It’s fruit, right? I should get a grip.
I stressed for a week after telling her I didn’t like the bridesmaid’s dresses she thought were cute for the little ones. She didn’t even seem bothered, but I felt like my comment of “hmm… they’re not really what I had in mind” had somehow turned into “your taste is appalling and I reject you entirely” once it hit the ether around my mouth. No matter how much I know, logically, that it didn’t, and that she understood.
Is it just me? Does everyone else suddenly get a side order of intense guilt with their main meal of wedding planning? Possibly I’m just a little insane to begin with, but it would be nice to know I’m not alone in this. Am I?
Alexandra Roumbas is a writer and editor living in London. She might need some pre-,post- and during-wedding therapy.