Keris Stainton‘s fortnightly column on married life…
I read recently about a new relationship therapy that, apparently, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are trying. Did you read it? It’s called “whisper therapy” and “It’s not about saying I love you, it’s about saying specific things, reminding them what they find attractive about each other. Speaking them out loud reinforces those feelings.”
So when Madonna got out of the car at Guy’s premiere, he looked at her and said “beautiful”. She replied, “macho”. I know. You want to laugh. I laughed. But I can still see it working.
Obviously, you’d have to change make it relevant to your own relationship. If I said, “macho” to my husband, he’d think I was taking the piss (and he’d be right). But I have in the past complained that he hasn’t called me “beautiful” for a long time. Probably since he was first “wooing” me, in fact.
And I would love it if he would. Who wouldn’t? No, I don’t feel beautiful at the moment – I’m six months’ pregnant and look like an egg on legs – but I’d still be happy to hear it. And even happier that he’d said it.
The thing is, we tell each other we love each other all the time. So much, in fact, that it’s pretty much lost all meaning. When our 4-year old son, Harry, says, “I love you,” it often makes me cry. At the very least, it makes me feel warm inside. When David says it, I barely notice. I say, “Love you too,” and think nothing of it.
So, yes, whisper therapy sounds stupid, but I’ve read loads of times how you should say five positive things for every one negative and I highly doubt that anyone manages that (the reverse is much more likely).
As daft as it sounds, if saying the odd word that means something to you makes you feel good, might well well make you laugh, and might also help your marriage, it must be worth a try, mustn’t it?